Ep.46 Four Ways I Self Sabotaged Last Year and What I'm Doing Differently

Holy self sabotage - I'm calling myself out on this one.  

I was recently reflecting over the last year as part of a gratitude / mindset exercise and let's just say I got a little more out of it than I was expecting.  

In this episode I go into the 4 patterns that emerged that are holding me back in my business and I'm guessing you'll be able to relate to at least one of them.  We'll get into what I discovered, what I'm doing differently and also what you can do if you recognize yourself in any of these patterns. 

Click here for full show notes and links to the references mentioned in this episode.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

So I'm in the orbit of Denise Duffield Thomas, who is a very practical money mindset mentor. And at the end of the year, she sent us email that was a challenge to sit down and make a list of like 50 things you were proud of. Acknowledging accomplishment is part of shifting your mindset and something I've been working on. So I accepted the challenge and made my list. I wrote down 50 things I was proud of for the year. My achievements range from starting a podcast to keeping my plants alive. And while reflecting, I also gained awareness around some patterns that have been holding me back. Hi, I'm your host, Jamie Renee, and this is the Perfection Not Required Podcast. Each week we dive into mindset, strategies, and resources to move you forward and explore the connections between inner healing and business growth. And today I'm taking you behind the scenes into my own entrepreneurial journey to unpack the ways I've been subconsciously self-sabotaging my progress. Let's shine some light on this shit because I guarantee you're guilty of number three. I just finished The Big Leap from Gay Hendricks. And in this book, he talks about what he calls an upper limit problem. When things are going well, we can subconsciously sabotage ourselves because of a limited capacity for feeling good. So I'm reading this book, I'm having this deep reflection time trying to come up with like more than 10 things I was proud of. And I started to see there's a pattern to how I operate. And four different ways of sabotage came up, and I have a feeling you'll be able to relate. So I'm first going to identify what they are and then move into what I'm doing differently now that I'm aware. These are in no particular order. So number one is I put too much pressure on myself. I had myself convinced that when I left Thams Club that I was going to replace my corporate income within a year. And I actually think I said like six months because I just whatever. I I part of this self-sabotage here about putting too much pressure on myself is I tend to set unrealistic timelines. Like everything, especially when you're learning something new or doing something different, like everything takes longer than you think it does. And I am so guilty of that. So setting unrealistic timelines and then learning new things and trying to make money at the same time. So when I had left, I had started working on my YouTube channel as far as picking that back up and doing food and then starting a podcast and all of that. But I didn't have like an immediate plan to make money, even though that was part of the deal. That was part of the agreement that my husband and I came to. This was like what our plan was. And by putting that much pressure on myself to one, figure out how to do it, and it was something that was totally different from the industry that I came from. So like brand new from scratch, making money, and then putting this unrealistic timeline on myself, I it's just not a good combination. So I was just setting myself up for failure from the get-go. Um, number two, I mean, it kind of ties into it with the unrealistic timelines, but it's being in too much of a hurry. I have this thing where I tend to do have like the duality in my mind of, oh yeah, on one hand, I'm saying, okay, I'm in it for the long haul. I'm committed to this. This is gonna, you know, I know that this takes a long time. I know that I am building awareness, I'm building a personal brand, I'm building, you know, like all of this is from scratch. And on the other hand, I have this sense of urgency of I need this right now. Obviously, you can't be in it for the long haul and understand that that this is a process and be committed to that, and then also have an immediate need. Because what between those two things of putting that pressure on myself and then setting unrealistic timelines and being in such a hurry, all that dude, all that did was like shut me down in the form of actually having any good ideas of trying to make money, of trying to actually achieve those goals. Like they were so unrealistic that I just went the opposite direction. Number three, this is the one I am pretty sure all of us are guilty of. I know that this has been one of mine for sure, but this is what I have coined procrastile. And maybe, I don't know, maybe I coined it, maybe I didn't, maybe I heard it somewhere, but I don't haven't heard anybody else say that that I can think of, but I also take in a lot of content. So who knows? Procrastalarning, you know what it is. It's you are procrastinating and you're dressing it up as education, you're dressing up, dressing it up as learning, you're consuming content, you're taking all the courses, you're jumping from one program to another, but you're not taking the time to actually implement. You're just consuming, consuming, consuming, consuming, but not actually slowing down, letting it integrate, implementing, acting on any of the things that you're learning, but it can be like really sneaky because it feels like you're productive. So I'm actually excited about how I am addressing this this year. So we'll get to that in just a minute. The fourth and final way that I have identified as self-sabotage for me is what I'm calling the pedestal syndrome. And basically that is putting other people on a pedestal and forgetting to check in with myself, whatever they say, making their format, making their process, procedures, like whatever like I'm learning from this person, like making their information more valid than my own intuition. I'm not saying that you have to like think that you're smarter than everybody else, but what I am saying is that we have intuition, we have this filter for a reason. And so if somebody tells you to do something that you really just like don't agree with and you it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good for a reason. Whatever like you're learning and whatever you're taking in, make sure that you're checking it against your own kind of moral compass and your own intuition, your own guidance, because it's there for a reason. Now, what that is not an excuse to do is just avoid being uncomfortable because you're not going to get anywhere without being uncomfortable. Like new stuff is hard. If it's coming from a place of fear, then that's one thing. And you just need that just means that's an area of opportunity for you to grow in. But if it's coming from a place of like, ew, that doesn't feel right. I am not going to like that doesn't seem like something that is in alignment with who I am or the way I want to work or the way I want to build my business, then don't do it. Like you are building a business based on how you want to operate. Like if you wanted somebody to tell you what to do, you would stay incorporate, you would stay in your job. But basically, me not checking in with my intuition and making whatever somebody else says or does more important than how I know it to be, like within myself, within my own inner wisdom. Anyway, okay, so those are our four ways that I have been self-sabotaging. And it's not just this past year. I mean, like that pretty much, maybe not the pedestal syndrome. Well, I'm sure it was because I didn't even have the awareness that I had intuition to check in with. So, but like the this is not just a this year thing. It's a pattern because I can look back in my journey and say, oh yeah, I did that here, I did it here, I did it here. So I challenge you to do that for yourself and find ways that you are holding yourself back. Because whenever you look at it through like a wider lens, it's kind of sometimes easier for us to see that. Okay, so moving into what I'm doing differently, I want to tell you how this came about. So I was on Instagram and Jay Shetty has a podcast, and I just saw the clip, and it was an episode that he was talking about like goal setting. What he does is he has the year of whatever, the year of the book, the year of I don't forget his examples, but for me, what I have pulled out of this this year, 2023 is the year of growth. So he was also talking about not just the year of, but saying every year, in order to always be growing, always be like investing in yourself, that sort of thing, that there's always something he likes to do of launch, learning, and loving in addition to this year of X. This is the clip that I saw, and I really liked it, and I was like, oh, that's like really interesting. I can run with that. I have since gone back and listened to the entire podcast and not just the clip, but I'm still good with what I pulled out of it because the launching, learning, loving, they all start with L. It's actually part of his goal setting process, and this is the L and goal. He has an acronym for goal. It's like shit, I forget, growth, something, something, and then this L for launching, learning, and loving. But anyway, I'm good with what I pulled out because I tend to struggle with goal setting in a traditional sense. I can't get past three or four months at a time because I'm just not that steady yet in my business where I know what's really gonna happen. Like right now, we're still in, we're planning, but it's still pretty much fly by the seat of our pants here. Me. It's my pants. Okay, to combat the too much pressure on myself. As you know, if you listened to the episode one of this season, which I think is actually episode 44, I am back at corporate. So I have a corporate job. This is the podcast is secondary to that. And everything that I'm doing for my business is secondary to the corporate income that I'm bringing in. And that maybe sounds like not a fun place to be, but I'm happy at my job. And so, like that obviously makes a big difference. But then again, I also know that things change and corporate can change. You can get new owners, you can downsize, like all of those things. So having the money now is awesome, but it's something that having a corporate income or having a job besides whenever you're trying to build your business. Yes, it takes away time-wise on what you can do, but it also relieves the amount of pressure that you're putting on yourself. So I no longer have this overarching like heaviness to what I'm doing because I don't have to make money. Not to say that I don't have to make money ever. I'm just saying that our family, like having health insurance and buying groceries and all of that kind of stuff, does not depend on me bringing in an income from my online business that is newer and growing. So that helps with my money mindset. It also helps with actually having funds to hire help. So I am in the process of hiring a VA or like a virtual assistant. I have a podcast editor, and like those are expenses that would be hard if I both weren't making any money and relying on this podcast or relying on my my online business to actually bring in money. So I don't have to worry about that yet, which relieves a lot of pressure and can allow me to like really step back and not feel so angsty and scared. I mean, quite frankly, scared about it. Also, to help relieve this pressure, I have kind of combined two different philosophies here. So there's a guy, he is like the founder of Mind Valley, if you've heard of it, and he's also an author. Um, his name is Vision Lacani. I think that's how you say it. His name is Vision Lacani. He's got like this thing that's called the six-phase meditation. You should totally like Google it if you haven't. It's really great. But one of the things that he talks about in it is like as humans, we tend to overestimate what we can do in a year. Sound familiar. And underestimate what we can do in three years. So with Jay Shetty's year of X and this whole thought that okay, I can have a three-year plan instead of a one-year plan and like be more strategic about how I'm outlining my growth or outlining my business. That brought me to the third part of relieving pressure on myself and my business at this point. And that has been to have a three-year plan. So, with my three-year plan for this business, this year, 2023, it will be the year of growth. Next year, it will be the year of monetization, and then the following year is the year of scaling. So, scaling the business, all of those sorts of things. That doesn't mean that all of 2023, I'm just going to be like not making any money because I do have some workshops planned. I've got some digital products that I have in mind. I've got an affiliate strategy, and I plan on taking a small number of one-on-one clients. So the thing is, is money is not the driver here, the growth. So I can offer a $10 workshop because I don't need to charge $50 when I, you know, like because I'm desperate and I need it to pay my mortgage or something like that. It's just getting that experience. It's learning to accept the money, being comfortable with sharing my skills for money. Like there's a whole bunch of like money mindset shit that I've been working on. So, like all of those things are part of it. But overall, this year, the plan is to focus on growth. And then next year, whenever I plan to monetize, like what I mean monetize, it's like in a more strategic way. I want to go instead of having like one-on-one clients and small workshops, to go to creating a course and having something that is more on autopilot, that I can really start to build a course and monetize that. But then also I have some other, I guess we're just gonna have to go ahead and talk about it, but other plans for a monetization like through YouTube channel or podcast channel, those sorts of things. I mean, like I said, that's just year number three. It's very fuzzy because I can't see past four months. But basically, I know that there is so much opportunity in the online space and the education space and all of that. So basically scaling my business so that I can have repeatable income that is flowing and I can really just kind of do what I want. That's essentially where I'm going. Okay, so that was to combat too much pressure on myself. The second part of or part two is being too big, uh in too big of a hurry. And so it kind of goes back to this three-year plan. Now that I have a plan, the plan gives me space. It gives me room for creativity and it gives me room to like check in with myself and not be so dependent on one thing. So, like having just having a plan in general and having it not be on such an unrealistic timeline. So those really just kind of go together. All of those are saved solved with the same thing. Okay. For the procrastinate, here is my solution because I, like you, am a lifelong learner. Like I love to learn, I love to have the latest courses and do all the things like that is just going to just be that next thing that I need. I just love all of that. I'm here for it. I'm here for all the mindset stuff. Like, I love that stuff. But when all of your time is spent consuming and all of your time is spent taking in, it's hard to really move forward in a meaningful way. So not that I am not going to learn this year, not that I'm not going to take any, you know, like, oh, I'm not taking any more courses, blah, blah, blah. That's not what I'm saying. I am going to be more intentional with what I am doing. So instead of taking some course that I am really interested in and I'm having FOMO about because somebody's got some really good marketing, but it's not really relevant to where I am in this particular moment, then it's like my guidelines. It's just about being more intentional. It's about having that plan. Right now, my plan is growth. If a course is related to growth that I am interested in, I will take it if I want to. But if it's something that is for scaling, even though, like, yeah, that's on my list, but it's not relevant to where I'm at right now. So I'm just saying, what if, just throwing it out there? What if we all became a little more intentional about what we're learning right now and then putting that into action? So I'm aligning this with my word of the year, which is growth. Everything I will be learning this year, if it's not related to growth, it is not on my list. Okay. So I didn't actually have anything for number four. I didn't take any notes on that. But the pedestal syndrome, I mean, that's just checking in with yourself, feeling it out. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just stick around. It's it comes with meditation, it comes with recognizing that voice. We'll we'll talk more about it as this year unfolds, but really just understanding that everybody's just making it up. People are telling you the process that worked for them. It worked for them, where they were, with what they knew. People are different. Take what feels good and then move on and just keep moving action, get some action happening. Okay, and finally, this is just to kind of wrap up. I wanted to share with you what I am, in addition to my year of growth, what I am launching, learning, and loving. It comes with a little bit of a surprise. So I am loving my job. Like, I don't have the capacity to have all of these things right now, but I am loving my job, and that is okay. Like it's it's part of where I'm at, it's where the season that I'm in, and my loving is my job. My learning is this podcast. Last year was basically about launching the thing, doing the thing, and now this year I'm learning to get better. I'm playing around with editing, that sort of stuff. Like I am getting better. I'm trying to learn all of the things to get better at that because it falls within the bucket of growth, also. So learning the podcast and then launching drumroll, please. Um, launching a YouTube channel second quarter, which I am super duper excited about. As I think I mentioned at the beginning of this podcast and and many more, I had a YouTube channel. I have a YouTube channel already, and it is for cooking and um recipes, that sort of stuff, but it is going to be rebranded and rolled into an extension of this podcast with education and more focus on the actual business side of things versus the inner workings and mindset sort of stuff that we mostly cover on the podcast. So if you are looking forward to that, you can go ahead and go over to youtube.com forward slash Jamie Renee. Go ahead and subscribe so you're ready when that comes out. Maybe check out a few um recipes if you want. I've got a whole bunch of those, but those will just be all going into a single folder, and I'm not gonna get rid of them. I mean, they're still good videos, whatever. I mean, they're not totally relevant to what I'm doing now, but eventually, who knows what's gonna happen. I could have a whole entire lifestyle brand by the time I get to year three that includes cooking and podcast and YouTube education and all of those all the things. Okay, guys, if you enjoyed this, this is different for me, as you know. So if if you enjoyed it, let me know and send it to just one friend that you think could benefit from this. I mean, I feel like we're all kind of guilty of a lot of these, and it's not that hard to just well, I take that back. Once you have awareness around what's holding you back, it becomes much easier to move forward. So I want to move forward with you. I want us all to go and master our crafts and make tons of money and all of the things. So until next time, I hope you have a wonderful week. Bye bye, guys.