Ep.23 How Are You Living Your Dash with Kim Skermer

We're all humans, and we're all the same.  The one thing that we all have in common, truly, truly have in common is two numbers. The day we were born. And the day we die. And between those numbers is a dash. It's your job every day to think how you're going to live your dash.

In this episode with Business Development Coach Kim Skermer, we have quite a few laughs about corporate acronyms (you may just think you know what FYI means!) and talk about:

• First life, second life
• Allowing yourself time to grieve between transitions
• Paying attention to the tension that shows up in your life
• Uncovering your why
• How working on yourself IS your business

Click here for links and show notes.

Resources:  Want to know 7 things you can do today to make leaving corporate easier?  Grab it here!

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Transcript

Jamie Stephens: 0:04

All right. Welcome back to another episode of Breaking up with corporate today. I have Kim Skermer here. And Kim is a business or the camp does business development coaching. How are you, Kim?

Kim Skermer: 0:20

I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Yeah. Why

Jamie Stephens: 0:23

don't you go ahead and do a better job of introducing yourself than I just did. We'll just start over here.

Kim Skermer: 0:31

I love it. I love it. It's always funny for you do a podcast or that kind of stuff. You do those ridiculous exercises with your face and your lips. And yeah, my mouth still doesn't look like well. Apparently, I'm freaking stupid speaking stupid today. See? What am I doing? Oh, I'm introducing myself. I'm a Business Development coach. And I've had my own company now for just coming up two years. So I'm happy to be here with you to show up. Show up for you and show for everyone in regards to my breakup with corporate.

Jamie Stephens: 1:03

Yeah, why don't we just dive right into it? And you can just tell us what is your breakup from corporate.

Kim Skermer: 1:10

So I was at the end of my corporate career, I was a senior executive at a life insurance firm. So in the industry for 20 plus years. So climb the corporate ladder I went right from, it's actually really interesting how usually our even our careers usually take a weird path. I was actually a tour guide and a travel agent and a chef before that. That was my original career.

Jamie Stephens: 1:34

And what was that all at the same time? It

Kim Skermer: 1:36

was pretty much at the same time. Yeah, it was it was really interesting how that all kind of came together.

Jamie Stephens: 1:40

I mean, that sounds pretty fun. To me. It

Kim Skermer: 1:42

was a lot of fun. I went to school for travel and tourism. And you know, I'm gonna go travel the world. I'm an airline brat. So I was very familiar with that. I wanted to go for walkabouts around the world. And I heard at that time, there was an amazing deals when your travel agent, so the pace sucked. But you got to go see the world for cheap, cheap, cheap. So yeah, it was in that industry and my 20s and it was New Year's Eve. And I'm trying to book at two people in the Valley for a golf tournament or a Golf Tour. And I was just done like all my friends are out partying having a good time. Thank God, there was no cell phones then. So I was getting the text and the pictures are good. See the posts. And I just grabbed one of those pink sticky notes, the new message pink sticky notes. Yeah. And I wrote I quit and I stuck it to my boss's computer and walked out the door. So there's one breakup.

Jamie Stephens: 2:33

I mean, that's what you do in your 20s. Right? Yeah, that's what you do,

Kim Skermer: 2:35

like, done right. Right. You honestly make those wonderful, amazing snap decisions. So number one, everyone who's listening, don't make snap decisions. So anyways, yeah, I hit the I quit. And I queue my keys to the mail slot. And once I did that, I'm like, Holy shit, what am I going to do now? Like, I didn't think you're right. So girlfriend of mine called me a couple of days later and just said, Hey, do you want to come answer phones at a financial firm, we need to we need to meet her greeter girl, like here for it here for it. So it was actually really good money. It was really an especially during that time was really good money that I was making. And then within a couple of weeks, I was running the back of back office and then my, my whole trajectory, my path went from traveling tourism and being a chef, because I would work during the day go be the chef, you know, that was my that was my life. So yeah, I went and transitioned into the financial services industry and just went from the the greeter girl to number four and a really, really, really, really, really big company.

Jamie Stephens: 3:31

Nice. So like, what was it the same company from that whole trajectory? Cuz I know, I mean, at least my experience with corporate it's just like wherever you came in, like you're just kind of point I mean, not that you can advance but like, I know financially they always try to screw you over it seems like it's like

Kim Skermer: 3:51

yeah, it is some weird it's such a weird process really is a strange process. Like I remember you know, becoming my first big girl job really was going into financial services right when I got hired by really big insurance company so working for the the the the independent advisor and then I thought I'm going to try the big carriers right, the big big world. And, you know, went to Susie shear and spent 50 bucks and thought I looked hot as hot could be and was all excited in my face up shirt. But that it was really interesting how fast I climbed the ladder. So start out like a marketing specialist and, and and you know, climb I think that's promoted. Oh, my goodness, I think it was six for the first company was six times in eight years. Six. Yeah. Which was it's unusual, right? Yeah. So because it was so unusual. I'd always say to myself when people would hear you know, or that I'm getting promoted again. They're like, Oh, you know, congratulations. And I said, well, thank you. Because I'm either really good at my job, or they have no fucking clue where to put me. So, so you know, that was that was maybe a little of both. Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure. It's like you have scammer for a while. Oh my god, she exhausts me. Right. But, you know, so it was with that company for a really good stint. And then I had a really interesting story. And this was the part of corporate too, and I think was also part of this whole tumble eating kind of snowball effect of me leaving corporate. So at the end of my stint with that company, my mom got diagnosed with cancer. And it was pancreatic cancer. So I was at a corporate retreat at that time, I was from out west and Canada, and I was in Toronto to add at a conference and came back from the conference. And I got in trouble. Because I opened up my big mouth. And we were at a big meeting with with a group and I said something that was very truthful. Yeah, but they weren't ready to hear it. And because I said something very truthful. And then you

Jamie Stephens: 5:49

can you talk specifics now, has it been long enough for now?

Kim Skermer: 5:52

Yeah. It wasn't interesting. It was an interesting part of, you know, and by that time, I was higher up in the company, and has, you know, is making six figures and doing really well, right. And in sales. And I think that if we're getting paid six figures for a reason, we should earn that right. And so I was top of the game territory was doing the best. And people were asking questions, how do you do it? And I was, I was explaining how, and I was getting pushback, right. So when you it's kind of like, you get the assholes, right. And so

Jamie Stephens: 6:26

I've not heard that before. I love it.

Kim Skermer: 6:29

Welcome to Canada, right? We're polite, but we're not. But you know, you get these assholes. So they ask you all these questions, how do you do this? What do you do this way, you know, and they don't take your advice, or they don't listen, or they're not ready to listen. So you know, that kind of happened. And I got frustrated, I got really frustrated. And I did say, you know, you know what, you get paid six figures for a reason. So figured out,

Jamie Stephens: 6:49

figured out, or like quit wasting my time, at least, like take some frickin notes yet, like,

Kim Skermer: 6:55

honestly, or try something or, you know, Shadow me for a day, you know, something, right. So when I got back there was, you know, a couple other things that were happening too. And I got put on a pip. So performance program, so we all know, incorporate that as soon as you get put on a pip,

Jamie Stephens: 7:09

you're on the path. You're, you're you're

Kim Skermer: 7:11

they're making a case, right? You're in trouble. And the same day, I got that call from my boss saying, you know, here's the report, you got to have this done. And I'm going is it a performance evaluation like, right, so that was a Wednesday. And so after I got off the phone with with my manager, the phone rang again, and it was the hospital. And the hospital said show up here with your brothers and sisters don't come alone. Your mom's in emergency. And I'm in the life I wasn't. I'm in financial services, especially in the life insurance world. And as soon as I know that, when that call comes, it's not good. Yeah. So he found out that she was diagnosed terminal with pancreatic cancer and she had three months. So I had my cries and my my screams because my parents were divorced. And my mom is my best friend. She's an amazing, incredible icon of you want to talk about a powerful woman was my mom, right? She She truly is a crazy, amazing entrepreneur. And so I finished crying called my boss and I just said, You know what, Boss, you're not gonna get that report. My mom's just diagnosed terminal. And I need some time and I need to be with her. And he didn't even say sorry. And I'm going, Okay, you got it, you know. So I've been in senior management now. So I understand the pressures now. But in that moment, I'm like, You are so stuck in corporate, you're so stuck in this mindset of achieving this bottom line, or this task or goal that you have to do that you forgot to be human. Yeah. Like he's, he's not a bad guy. He really is not a bad guy. It's just he forgot to be human. He had to get this task done. And so I hung up the phone and I swore some more. And I called HR and I just said, I'm going on stress leave. Yeah. So I went on stress leave and I did leave my mom's side for three months. And the day I went home to go have a finally have a shower in you know, my home and have a nap in my bed. And actually, my best friend came over to saying I'm gonna come over to see you. I haven't seen your mom yet in the hospital. Do you mind if I come to your mom because my mom was kind of like the mom for everybody. Yeah. And my girlfriend Susan came over and and just as we were ready to leave my apartment, got the call from my little brother saying mom passed away. Oh, God, and there's so many crazy amazing things associated with that like that one time, because my mom loved having my care. It was just it was you when you're going through that type of health. You act differently you become toxic and all these things right? All these things happen. And it was just really interesting. So she passed away on her mother's birthday. So by the time my mom passed away, she was catatonic and, and but she said her mom's name and passed away on our birthday and the day that I actually was not there and went home and I feel like that really is connected because I probably still would be a blubbering mess if I would have been there when it happened but Um, that was a really big moment. So a couple of weeks after my mom passing, I got a hold of my company. And I just said, you know, I don't think you like me anymore. And I don't like you. Let's make a deal. And we did. Right. And then as soon as it worked for Dad, there's there's some other stuff. You know, because I knew I knew I knew the writing was on the wall. Right. So, and I think they also respected the HR team, you know, respected. It was the one time a lot of times people say, you know, HR team, is there for the corporation or for the employee. Yeah. And I actually felt like they were there for me. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it was a nice, it was it was it was nice. It was nice. And so you know, we just had that chat. And, and I've always been a blunt person. And this is just who I am and a little bit of humor and a little bit of sass and, and a lot of hugs, that's me. And so, you know, we went through the negotiations and figured it all out. And then once the industry found out that I was I was a free agent. A lot of people came looking and wanting me to come work with them. So from that I moved from Edmonton, Alberta. And at this time mom passed away, broke up with my fiance starting over everything, I'm like, I need to run the fuck away. And I did, I ran away, I ran away 4000 kilometers, and moved to one of the largest cities in Canada and moved to Toronto, plop in there and just started right over. And it was, it was important, it was something I had to do, really had to do. So that kind of entered me into the part of and I said yes to a business and coaching development program within the financial services industry. So that's kind of my path. And then within there, there was more ladder climbing, and, and then ended up being a general manager, senior executive.

Jamie Stephens: 11:48

So what made you finally kick out the door, though, two years ago?

Kim Skermer: 11:54

A lot of things. A lot of things that I think that is it's really important to pause and recognize all of the things. Who was that lady that you shared? Oh, I just lost her name that that lady that does the I was riding back and forth with you on Instagram. She was making me Howl.

Jamie Stephens: 12:15

oh. I don't even know her name. Like her name. Now. It starts with an L. Yeah, I share my stories, either.

Kim Skermer: 12:27

Your story? Yeah. Yeah. So I found like, I discovered her through your through, I discovered her through your stories. And I was howling so much, because that was one of my moments, is when I was starting to show up. Like a condescending whatever. Or really sarcastic thoughts were going through my head.

Jamie Stephens: 12:48

Yes, yes. Yes. Okay. That was the one we were talking about. Yeah, it's corporate Natalie. And she does great stuff. I mean, it's like, I should have started that so long ago, like all of the same stories, but yeah, it's so relatable,

Kim Skermer: 13:02

you know, it is and I try so hard. Like as a coach, I tried to stay on the positive or the negative, but I'm going oh, God, I just need myself a big bottle of wine and I'm just gonna binge watch her. Like, oh my god. Anyways, there that was one of my moments too is when I started to actually have those really sarcastic conversations in my head and I when we were writing back and forth I told you I'd share mine and mine was I would start to hit a lot of people they would lose things right so I create all the program I have the coaching stuff I've master certified coach like I tons of coaching hours, tons of coaching experience, and no one would save again any of this stuff I would not no one but he was like hey, do you have this or hey, do you have that or you know, things like that and I was getting really frustrated. And so when I'd ever do something I did for it over just with an FYI right. And so that FYI started to turn to in my head. Fuck You idiot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that that was a big sign that I needed to make a bit of a change. When when when that was going through my head, so I'm such a giver. I'm such a team member and stuff like that. But when I was like, I care it is what it what it was turning into that. That was that was

Jamie Stephens: 14:24

like that's when you know, right? Because, yeah, I've had those same experiences where usually it's like, okay, you give you give you give you given, it's like, Oh, it's fine, it's fine. It's fine. And then all of a sudden, it's just like, I am so sick. Everybody come in and you know, it's but it's your lack of boundaries that created this thing. And

Kim Skermer: 14:43

it is it's my fault.

Jamie Stephens: 14:45

But yeah, like when you're in it doesn't feel that way. So

Kim Skermer: 14:49

yeah, yeah, you don't see it. Right. You know, and then then, you know, kind of leading up to me leaving a couple years. It was also you know, in your senior management, you're invited almost every meeting you have meetings to discuss not having another Meeting if you know all that kind of stuff, and I stopped getting invited to the table as much, and I knew, you know, I started to feel it budget started to get smaller team started to get smaller, you know, you had to really fight to go to a conference. And so my gut started saying, Okay, this is going to change, and the industry is changing. And there was a lot of things that were coming to the table within the industry, that I was feeling that the place and the part that I own. I couldn't do from a boardroom table. And

Jamie Stephens: 15:36

clarify what you mean by that. Exactly.

Kim Skermer: 15:38

So Financial Services is its engine with the independent adviser in its there's not very well, well known that whole industry is such a mystery to the consumer on how all works, right? We all kind of look the same. The banks to an advisor to whatever, right, yeah. And so there's such an incredible opportunity to work with an independent adviser, there's so many regulations put on there, pretty elite, they really are elite, but they don't know how to market, they don't know how to go beyond product. Yeah. So there's all these frustrations of you know, why can't get more clients prospecting so hard? Why are they going to the bank? Why are they buying insurance here? It's crap, and you know, all this kind of stuff. And it was going well, you're not know, you don't know how you're not treating your practice as a business. And so it was really hard because a scale corporately, you can't bring this business development and coaching program. And because I was living in it, I helped develop it for nine years. It's not scalable, it's really difficult to do and the talent you need, and the salaries and all that kind of stuff and talk to the you know, the, the Board of Directors saying, Okay, we're going to take away that 12%, or that 15% That you are earning right now on our business. And it's going to go down to two, maybe minus for a couple of years. Are you okay with that? Right? It's up to lose money. My shareholders will love this, right. And, and so that was part of it too, going, okay. And not everybody understands it, or will understand it or, or in the place to make the change. The industry is very old, the average age of an advisor is 62. Right? It's not for young people, which is unfortunate, because we need new brands. So I'm going okay, I need to go help coach the modern advisor and go show up in a way and share all my experience, but make it relevant. You know, I'm old enough to be wise. And I think I'm still kind of cool. So I'm okay, there's a little you know, that can be a little bit irrelevant. So that was that piece of something's gonna change, I need to do something differently, and something's going to happen. And then COVID happened. And that was the last piece. So COVID happened in March, we all start getting scared and unknown and industry that is so far behind in tech, and so far behind and virtual and the carriers and the companies did really well, getting up to date, but the sales teams were lost, everyone was lost so much Job fear. And I had a feeling that everyone was really sad and upset that day. So through the COVID transition, the senior management team decided to put all 60 Some of us on a WhatsApp group, right. And so I'm part of this Whatsapp group, and I'm out having coffee in the morning in my backyard. And really early in the morning, and I have this beautiful sign that I got in a conference that I bought for Magnolia, right. So I kind of have a crush I think on Oh god. Joanna Gaines. Yes, you're right. And Chris Gaines, like, I love their stuff. So I went to Waco once and picked up the sign. And I've got to get a look at the last part. The sign says the world needs who you were made to be. And so I took a picture of that sign in my garden with all the beautiful flowers around it. And I sent it to the whole entire sales team and I just said, You know what, guys, just go have a great day. And not even 10 minutes later, I get the Zoom invite. And the senior vice presidents on there, the Senior Vice President of HR, the VP, my boss and the three other GMs from across the country.

Jamie Stephens: 19:03

Yeah, calendar list and you know, what's, you know,

Kim Skermer: 19:06

like a student legacy decency, HR, it's like, okay, so yeah, I, my, my sign from the universe was was actually assigned. And that was incredible when I thought, Okay, this really needs to change something really needs to change. So yeah, that's a long winded story.

Jamie Stephens: 19:30

No, that's great. So was your coaching business, your side coaching business, was that up and running yet? Or was that still like, you just had the professional aspect of it like within the within corporate,

Kim Skermer: 19:45

I had the professional aspect within corporate right and it was that was the the foundation of my corporate life was we were business development coaching for financial advisors, right. It was a this really unique opportunity and and it was a very Every coaching is difficult. It's very difficult like it's in our prep now our meeting three hours afterwards all that kind of stuff so of course it's not going to be profitable right away. But so my coaching business came, it's only my gosh, nine months old now. Okay, so when the June 30 hit No, I was looking at all my plans and everything. I think I showed up well, now that I look back I showed it very manic it was like this whole hold my beer I'm gonna show them all I'm gonna do it all let's go let's go right you know, this is perfect. I'm not hurt. You're hurt. I'm not hurt. You're gonna miss me. Right? There's these weird crazy things that go through our heads and this this emotion that motivates us good or bad? Yeah. And it was probably the biggest mistake I did. So right away I have three companies and the umbrella company is RST private planning group. So the rst private planning group talking about life insurance coaching all these teams helping them market the right way show up. And RST. I love it. Because RST stands for really sucky things. So I right away, name my corporation in life. Just get it out of the way. Let's just say it, it all sucks. The process sucks talking about it sucks. The end result sucks. Let's be you know, real. And so the tagline was real people having real conversations about really sucky things. Yeah. And so you know, started on that part. And then I'm going, Okay, I need my coaching arm and I've already built two coaching programs. So I'm going to find someone to collaborate with. So a lot of you know, people are tapping on my shoulder saying, Okay, can we miss your coaching? You know, can you come show up here, we need more women in this space. We're a coaching group full of a bunch of PMS errs and they're pale, male and stale. But that's the real PMS, by the way, ladies is pale, male and stale. So they called me up and said, Hey, do you want to come join our firm? And I'm like, this is perfect, right? I don't have to write anything, I can just pay some split in my comp to them. And And as that relationship started to kind of go on, as we were dating, before, for we said decided to say yes, there wasn't a fit definitely wasn't a fit. Everyone I kept talking to you is just like, you're doing the old thing that needs to change in this industry that the new advisors are looking for the change that everyone's looking for. This, this doesn't make sense. And I remember getting into a quite a deep discussion with one of them. And after I finished having a discussion, I'm like, Oh, my God, your approach sucks, like, absolutely sucks. And I was getting angry and pissed off. And I was like, Whoa, that's the name of my company, the approach coaching method. That's it. That's it. And so I started building and putting the approach coaching method together. And so as I started doing that, I started to get really anxious and I started to suffer a lot. And I have never high performing athlete high performing corporate person, you know, like always drive drive, drive, drive drive, nothing bothers screamer, right. And I started having nightmares. And really, really bad nightmares to the point of my nightmares were about committing suicide. So I was taking my life. Oh, shit. And it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. And night, after night, I'm having these dreams and taking my life and about two weeks go on have me waking up in sweats or screaming or shaking in my hubby going, are you okay? What's going on. And then as it dreams progress, they progressed to people that I used to work with. Were at my funeral in my dream now. I'm like, Oh, my God, what's going on? So I have this incredible community around me, I have a coach myself. You know, pro tip, anybody looking for a coach for coaches and have a coach runaway race. And I also have a therapist that I go see once a month and have a really good conversation with who I just absolutely enjoy. So I call in and I said, I need to come to you early. Something's really wrong. She's like, come on over. So I go on sere and I started telling my stories about me committing suicide of my dreams. And he's kind of creeping into my everyday thoughts now and I'm really scared. And I have really bad anxiety. I'm popping out of out and like Tic Tac like what's happening to me this this is not me, right. Yeah. And as I'm telling the story, she's smiling at me and I'm going okay, honey, I love you. But you better start talking really quickly. Because I'm telling you that I think I want to take my life or what's happening and I'm scared. And she said no disrespect, I love you to death. But I'm really happy for you that you've had this experience. And I'm like, Okay, please tell me more. Not happy. You're weird, right? And and she just said, Have you heard of first life Second Life? And I'm like, No, I have not at all. And she said in her first part of our life, we're creating our identity. We're building we're climbing the corporate ladder. We're finding out who we are. We're getting married. We're having babies. We're doing all these big builder identity things. And behind the motivation behind all these things that we're doing to help us build our identity is our true meaning of ourselves. So me for For example, doing all these, you know, working late and working nothing less than 12 hours a day and being the shitty Auntie that sends Christmas presents in March and all that kind of stuff. I was forgiving myself or making it okay saying, I'm the breadwinner in the family. I'm going to help everyone out. I'm going to relax when it's right. You know, all that kind of stuff. I'm doing good. I'm helping people have better conversations about life insurance and protecting families like all this really heartfelt stuff. Yeah. So she said that what happens is that we, in a point in time, 4550, we actually our subconscious kills off that old ego for us to step forward in our second part of our life, where we're confident, and we really, truly mean, live out our true meaning of our life. And that was happening to me, I was saying goodbye to that old ego. I was saying goodbye to a little paycheck, I was saying goodbye to those old people that I thought I needed validation from it, I no longer need validation from was all those really big things. So that was an incredible lesson. And it taught me a lot about the process of going and breaking up with corporate it's it's so many things.

Jamie Stephens: 26:10

Yeah, I mean, it's not. It's not just leaving your job, right? It's like, you're leaving a whole identity behind that. It's different if you're just going to another job, you know, because it's still part of your identity. But whenever you're like, No, I am done. This is done. We're done. We're broken up.

Kim Skermer: 26:31

divorced or the breakup, because it's broken, right? Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 26:34

And but, ya know, my experience was, I mean, I, I was broken myself, you know, whenever I left, because it was just, I expected to have this like weight off my shoulders. And I did to a degree, but it was more like it was replaced just by this emptiness, because I didn't know who I was without that job. Which sounds really weird, because I'm also a mom and a wife and all of these things. Yeah, that are very big and very important in my life. But for whatever reason, whenever I it's like, I lost a limb or something, you know, it was there was really just a grieving process. The first time the second time, not so much. I'm like, I'm an old pro, like, see, like,

Kim Skermer: 27:20

this rodeo before? It's a gun. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 27:23

But the difference was the first time I was running away. And then the second time I was running towards, you know, I mean, there's, it's a huge shift, you know, like, it's, it's not the same. Yeah,

Kim Skermer: 27:36

it is it you said something so important. And it's that, that grief time, right, like, and that that was my anxiety and why all this came creeping up. Like there's, you know, 35, or whatever years of me working in corporate period, right? And all this stuff with my mom and trauma and, you know, relationships, like everything. I had never paused and took time to take care of myself. Before going into entrepreneurship. I thought I could just transition. And you can't

Jamie Stephens: 28:05

you just, yeah, I mean, we think that, you know, you're strong women, like this is what we do. We just handle stuff. But then your body in your spirit is like, no, stop. No.

Kim Skermer: 28:16

No,

Jamie Stephens: 28:17

done. Like, right, you will pause.

Kim Skermer: 28:19

Yeah. To make you or your turn to hold my beer young lady. Yeah. It's, it's, it's so true. And that was that was a big realization for myself. And I'm like, I'm a high performing coach. So I had all the business plans. I had all the marketing plans done. I was the wise one, right, that had everything done. And I thought I had everything done. I should rephrase that. And that one part that I forgot about was me. Yeah, yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 28:51

Such as life for women. Right. I mean, we gotta remember to Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Kim Skermer: 29:00

There's me. That's right. That's right. Great. Yeah. No, it is. It's an it's an interesting transition. And an interesting lesson that I had and that, I don't know, I want to share with so many people, because, especially with, oh my gosh, call it whatever you want. Now, I don't know if they, you know, the great resignation. That's happening. Yeah, there are so many people breaking up with corporate right now. And then the number that I saw in the US, like 22 million people are not going back and they're opening up their own enterprises and, you know, things like that. And that's, that's scary, because in five years, I'm concerned. I'm really concerned.

Jamie Stephens: 29:35

Yeah. I mean, there's definitely a big shift happening, and it'll be really interesting to see how it plays out because even with things like that seemed so detrimental at first and obviously COVID was detrimental to human life. I don't mean that I don't want to minimize that. But as far as like working, I mean, it's Write about new ways of working that I think have just changed for good. You know, I mean, I'm interested to see like, with that knowledge and kind of with that gap that you had with yourself, are you integrating that into any of your coaching now? Or is it not really relevant? Yeah, or how I'm just trying to see with like your business development folks, how that kind of lesson could play in to that.

Kim Skermer: 30:30

There was even just that whole process that I went through with myself and there was so much, I use the word tension. If I'm feeling tension about something, I need to get really curious about it. And I don't think in business I'm starting, we're starting to see a lot of it, which is, you know, the, the younger generations are the ones that have kind of had enough of it and have found their own identity and, and really confident in their own and showing up as their own. It is so important to integrate business and life, I call it a cheerleader. So yes, I'm a Business Development coach. But there is this leadership in this life integration that has to be in there, it honestly does. Because when you become an entrepreneur, all of you, like you are the business, curious, I don't care what you're selling, you're the business. So you need to look at both of those pieces. So especially in the area that I coach a lot in is anybody that's in advisory services, so I coach lawyers, real estate agents, at their coaches and financial services, people that are giving advice, if you don't integrate emotional intelligence into that piece, human behaviors, behavioral economics, you know, and just like God, people, being people and learning how to communicate again, as one other person to another human being, you have to do it all. So there, there is yes, there's, you know, the plans and marketing plans, whatever you need, whatever you want to call it, strategic intent documents, unique value propositions, all those things. But underlying all those things, we're gonna get deep, and we're gonna get emotional, we're going to figure out, you know, who do you resonate with? And why they do they resonate with you, and like, even going through a process of of someone, you know, trying to find their their ideal client and advisory services. And I'd start the conversation of who's your, who are your best friends, and we'll bring the word back in, who are your best friends that aren't assholes. So they ask you for your advice, right? Yeah. And they actually take it do something with it. And they're like, Okay, this is weird. And then they'll name off some people and all that kind of stuff. And I said, Great. So what kind of personality type? Are they? They're like, really? And I'm like, Are they like, really driven? Are they really relationship people? And they're like, you know, so it usually is kind of one type of really, you know, personality style. And then like, what did they do for a living? It's their career, what do they do? And it is so connected. And so this is kind of how I do business development coaching is, is connecting the dots between the human benefit and the business benefit. And it's that piece of, okay, this is who you resonate in real life without any effort. Yeah. So there's your ideal client is pretty much this person. It's really interesting. Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 33:09

So the the people that you're talking to, when you say words like resonate? Do they know what you're talking about? Or do you like, have to change your language a little bit?

Kim Skermer: 33:21

It all depends on I think that's one of my biggest blessings. I'm very intuitive. And I can pivot really quickly, and I can tell when someone's not getting it. So some people have not heard when their mouth is open. They're like mouth breathing. Yeah. We think we missed it. Right. But yeah, closerie phrase, yeah, let's, you know, let's, let's try this. And, you know, it's even something just as simple as, okay, you're, you're in my coaching, you just paid for a check and mailed a check. Instead of doing you know, any, like, Okay, we're gonna have to change the language a little bit. Like, it's those types of things. So people do get it. But it's always going deeper. So a lot of people take coaching programs or engaged with a coach or whatever, and it's the right coach for them and finding the right coach for them. And I'm the one that I don't kind of go down one layer, it's you know, what resonates with you and they'll say something, and then I'll keep going deeper. Another one of my favorite exercises is the five why's. So Simon Sinek? Did his I don't know blessing or curse? I'm not sure with, you know, start with why. And people are coming up with this is my why. And I'm going Is it is it really? Yeah, even more. So. So I go through, you know, going even just to our posters with their cell phone, asking yourself, like, getting young and youthful and acting like a child and getting curious like a child, asking herself why five times so I want to, I don't know, open up a car store, whatever, you know, it's like why, and then why and then why? Because it really, we don't know we think it's that top layer, but it never is. There is Never that top layer, right? So just always go deeper. Just find silence go deeper ask a lot of questions.

Jamie Stephens: 35:07

What is your big boy?

Kim Skermer: 35:09

Oh, God. This is really interesting. And I actually actually posted a little video about this today. I didn't see it sorry. Yeah, no, no, no, like I just did it not too long for jumped on. My big why is to be relevant create connection. And when I was working with my coach and putting all my business together and she said, like, what is your big why? And what is that one thing you want to really accomplish in this in this world. And so kind of going back to my piece I talked about how our fears are connected with are also very, very connected with our mantras or quotes or whatever that quote is that we hold near and dear. So the exercise that I just posted was write down your greatest fear. And then now think about that quote that really resonates with you. And mine is a Jerry Rice quote, today, I'll do what others won't. So tomorrow I can do what others can't write that's been with me for such a long time. And my greatest fear is to become obsolete and not be relevant anymore, and not help and not serve. So what I connect my why to that, my why and that, really, when I feel like I've really done something, it's that stranger that I've touched, and that I've really helped, and I was there for them. They don't need to know my name, and I don't need to know their name. But it's just that whole thought of helping another human when they really needed someone in that time. That's my why that's why you show up to I show up?

Jamie Stephens: 36:39

Where do you think that came from?

Kim Skermer: 36:43

I think probably childhood for sure. Everything was always well, yeah. And I had a really shitty childhood, my dad was a horrible person, absolutely horrible person. And, you know, right from abuse, physically, mentally, and, and it was always so funny to I don't remember one hit, there's broken noses, there scars, all that kind of stuff. But I remember every word, I remember every damn word. And it was just that part of watching my mom struggle, and trying to find her identity and to try and show up and do her best. And it's kind of that really big. I'd nurtured I kind of took the My dad left when I was 10 my mom kicked my dad when I was 10. So I took on that nurturing component when I was younger to help my mom out and make sure she was okay. And you know, I used to get nicknamed Mother Teresa. And when I was younger and things like that, I just I've watched so many people be hurt and struggle and not be listened to. And people aren't just taking that pause in that moment, to just be another human being with someone else. And just just listen, don't give advice. Don't do all that. Just be there for them. Yeah. Right. Like that's, I think, you know, we've we've kind of lost touch of that. But I see it creeping back, which makes me really happy. I see it starting to creep back. That makes me happy.

Jamie Stephens: 38:04

I feel and it's I'm sure it's just because of who I'm surrounding myself with these days. But I just feel like there's just more awareness out of our, like, I've got daughters in the 2621 90. I mean, they're way further than I was at that point, you know, just kind of in their humanity.

Kim Skermer: 38:27

Yeah, yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 38:29

I mean, it's, it's, I don't know, it's promising.

Kim Skermer: 38:35

It's incredible, like even your whole topic to have breaking up with corporate and I and I do a lot of study on this. And, you know, universities enrollments are down. Yeah, you can go get a degree on Google, like, you know, like, how they're coming up and, and like, degrees don't matter, because the younger generations are so good at finding out the information, how they don't have to have the knowledge. They have to have the knowledge to know how to do it or find out how to do it. Yeah. And then with that comes this incredible curiosity that they have. And it's mind boggling. Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 39:06

I mean, it's like they don't necessarily need the university because they have access to all of the information and PS they don't want to work for you anyway.

Kim Skermer: 39:15

Yeah, yeah. You suck.

Jamie Stephens: 39:18

They're like, huh, and I'm out. Yeah.

Kim Skermer: 39:22

You're it out. Yeah, I'll totally figure it out like these. You know, I'm in the finance and I'm like my crazy madness in the background here. I'm putting together my own online course. And I tended to think if ik roundtable with a budget it was five young ladies that were on there, no one was over 25 And they were really successful courses and I'm going okay, they all don't have university degrees at all. They just really put on their courses and shared their success on how they got successful and something and so one of the ladies that were on their name is Samira put up a financial services How to Invest course so not lessons not regulated, all that kind of stuff. She just put it up. This is what I do and how I use The direct to consumer tools around and millions like millions 25 years old ish and making millions. Yeah, like, good one you. Yeah, you. It's incredible.

Jamie Stephens: 40:11

I mean, I'm here for it, I am just so ready for every I mean, like my big why is I really want women to step into their power to just own it, you know, it's like it comes back to a lot of experiences with it, you know, just growing up when I did and entering in the workforce and being in male dominated industries. I'm like, fuck y'all like, I like that. I mean, that's my big why is for women to just reclaim their power and just know how strong they are and how much they're doing. And you know why you can figure it out, like, you don't have to do it this way that has been designed without you in mind, you know, like, the whole everything like corporate, you know, just being the way it was designed. I mean, it's all by, like, rich white men decades ago, right? You know, I mean, it's just like, it doesn't work anymore. Like, you're out. Yeah, how to evolve.

Kim Skermer: 41:20

I agree, right? You know, men go into business for efficiencies, that's their, their front of mind is efficiencies. When women go into business. It's it's connection and collaboration, which is really interesting, right? And that was part of like, in my financial services world, I had some big tension. And, you know, listeners, please listen to everything I say before you want to kill me or get ready fast fingers and start putting hate notes in there. But I was, you know, asked to start, you know, not, you know, because I'm telling you the story. But I was asked to start leading these women only study groups and these women only associations and, and I get understand there's places in pieces for all of this. But it doesn't make sense to me also to like in business or or even incorporate of, Okay, we're gonna serve the women over here. And we're gonna serve the men over there. Like, it didn't make sense, because there's this kind of this weird, there's such a focus on helping to bring women in that. Well, yes, women want to be included. And they have an incredible voice and incredible ideas and so much power. But we can all sit at the same table.

Jamie Stephens: 42:25

Yeah, right. This is a band aid, what you're doing, like, the effort?

Kim Skermer: 42:30

Yeah, yeah, it's not a gender issue. It's a culture issue. So we all have a seat at the table, let's all sit down that table. Because sometimes women get so stuck on the connection and collaboration, we don't move forward. So sometimes we need the efficient, right? It's the balance. It honestly is like it truly is a balance. And like there is like incorporates probably some of the meanest people that were mean to me that were women, because we're all fighting for the same seat at the table, which I didn't know or, you know, all that all that kind of stuff. Like it's, it's difficult. So it's just that whole part of let's all show up as really good people. But it is that part of the women, I do feel and I agree with you so much that they need that extra push and those extra liters, or just that extra connection of let's show up, let's show up in a really badass, amazing way in a powerful way. And let's stick to the stuff that moves forward. Let's just not commiserate like those are the groups that it scared me when I left corporate I tried to find a women's group. And I went through a woman's group after a woman's group after a woman's group because sometimes I felt like oh my god, you know, you want the movies when there is the single mom that shows up at the bake sale. Yeah. And she shows up with store button cupcakes

Jamie Stephens: 43:43

banished.

Kim Skermer: 43:46

And all the other moms are like Who is she? Who is Bertha think she is? Right, you know. And

Jamie Stephens: 43:53

her name is Bertha.

Kim Skermer: 43:56

And it's actually it's actually funny when I went through my anxiety should call her Becky. My anxiety Her name was Becky.

Jamie Stephens: 44:02

The main girl in my head. It's Sheila Sheila, Bertha, Becky and Sheila. I know exactly. We love you.

Kim Skermer: 44:10

We love you. But you know, like it was it's really difficult to even find my place there. So with that being said, I think it really is shamefully so new of women really stepping forward in their power and in business, and leadership and all those things. And and it's just, you know, let's show it the right way. And let's truly let's get past the bullshit. Yes, we need to commiserate or whatever event or half the laughs and but let's keep Great. Let's get that out. Now let's move the dial forward. What are we going to do? What are we going to do? And let's do it. And it's awesome when you do it together?

Jamie Stephens: 44:44

Yeah, for sure. I'm curious. Last time we talked reminded me of whenever you said you know, we're all fighting for the same spot and didn't really know what but did you ever look into the thing I mentioned about which wounds

Kim Skermer: 44:58

I did that was So got massive, massive, massive goosebumps in the in this moment. Yeah, it's out and actually went for a good walk on I go every Tuesday on a walk with the girlfriend. And and we were talking about which wounds and things like that and incredible, absolutely incredible. I think it is so true and and that that that even that topic and remind me of the saying that I said last time about trauma, right? And, you know sharing that that statement that I shared with you before of trauma forms transformation to what face it holds that is up to us. Like all of those things wrapped all up together. Yeah, answers a lot of questions.

Jamie Stephens: 45:38

Yeah. And for listeners that don't know what I'm referring to. We had a conversation and we this topic of which wounds and it's like this whole, like Sister wounds, which wounds Oh, I don't remember what the other ones are. But it's an interesting read if you want to google it, but it's basically like, stored trauma within generations or within groups of people. And then it how it just kind of translates into, I mean, it just keeps recreating itself. And so until you kind of heal those wounds, were still prone to turn on other women because basically like the Salem witch trials and stuff like that, it's like in our genetic, epigenetic coding, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I don't I'm not an expert on that part. I just know that it was really interesting to me. Where it was like, Oh, dang, like, if I support this other woman, you know, in your jeans or in your body and your whole, like, your whole self, you're feeling like oh, well now I'm going to be burned at the stake type thing to where it's, yeah. Like that's a lot of Yeah,

Kim Skermer: 46:50

yeah. Societal competition, right? The marrying the rich, you know, going for your Mrs. Degree, right? You know, all that kind of having that. Having the rich husband and a happy life and marrying like, all this stuff. And when I read it when I was reading through it, I was thinking about because when I went through my anxiety time, and all that kind of stuff, I also got a lot of help and I thought I thought a lot of my childhood trauma was because of my father heavy hand all that kind of stuff. But as a peel the back it came from my best friend, which was my mom. Yeah, right. So my mom was from that generation of don't show your wounds, everything's fine. The family is great. Like I was a shit I was an absolute shit in school. Absolutely. And it was really bad because I had this innocent you know, looking face, but I would cause so much trouble that no one really knew it was me, right? And then when I did get caught my mama go bail me out. Because she's the single mom with four kids, nobody can know she's struggling. Households always has to be clean. Everything has to be it's like a country song, you know, show up, put your makeup on and pull up your big girl panties and just do it. You you it's not okay. Right? To not be okay, you can't show anyone. And that was something I really had to deal with and talked about even how I climbed through my corporate ladder. So it was I had to be the best being an athlete. I had to be the best. There was no other. There was no other choice but to show up as the best before. And I've really dealt with those wounds, which is a lot of pressure. So a lot of pressure and a lot of things and it's like okay, no wonder I couldn't believe I hadn't you know, cracked earlier because it just there's so much there of me having to be the best. And now I'm okay when I show up in my videos and they're not the greatest or ask him to re record or do something like there's there's so much freedom and power in that. Just this is holding your

Jamie Stephens: 48:37

mess. Yeah, here's

Kim Skermer: 48:39

my it's messy. It's absolutely crazy. I'm gonna swear I'm gonna cry. And I'm gonna say something fucking brilliant. Amen. Done. Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 48:47

love me or hate me. Um, yeah. Okay.

Kim Skermer: 48:51

It's really It's okay. It totally is. Okay. And like that even helped with the women's group, like finding the right women's group. And, you know, all that kind of stuff I was showing up. It was really interesting. I was showing up to try and find friends. I was showing up to have them like me. And I'm like, wait a second. I need to show up and see if I like them.

Jamie Stephens: 49:10

Yeah, huge. I gotta like me and then everything else will fall into place just falls.

Kim Skermer: 49:16

It just falls like my coaching business is nine you know nine months old. And it's very unusual for someone do you not listen to all the Instagram stories or all that kind of stuff that you can 10x your income and all that kind of suffering the beat in three weeks? Three weeks or three weeks sale sale sale? Tell me lies tell me like it totally is but I'm now about to lie to you know not but my coaching business really took off like it's very successful. My corporate income is replaced, you know, all this kind of stuff. But that didn't happen until I unpacked all those things I really had to do. I talk about the big work all the time, and I had to do a lot of the big work first, I really had to do the big work first. That's a lot of stuff.

Jamie Stephens: 50:01

I am so glad that you have said that because that is my experience as well. Which is why I am like in the same boat like trying to tell women like Okay, wait, just hold on a minute, you've got some stuff you can do before you jump on a walk out the door that Yeah, but it's so true. And it's I'm gonna tell him my husband. I think he's not listening. But it's so funny because it's like, this is an argument that we have, because he's like, Well, guess what, you're just working on yourself. You're not working on your business per se. You know, and I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna let that slide.

Kim Skermer: 50:44

By the way, spit in your salad

Jamie Stephens: 50:46

working on myself. Yeah. Is my business like until this gets right. Yeah, it all other shit doesn't work. I mean, it just doesn't like it doesn't matter if I have the best fucking course in the world. If I freeze wanted time to like, promote it. I mean, like, that doesn't work it No. To deal with all of that stuff. It doesn't just go away.

Kim Skermer: 51:10

When I look at my like my manic stage by almost two years ago, right at the the logos I was because I created my logo, because I've got all this background, right? Like even some of the logos that I was creating, and how I was asking the wrong people for advice and going to my friends and asking them for advice. And you know, all this showing up in a big ass hot mess. Yeah, that was not right. And I like No, I'm not attracting any clients, not being authentic to who I am. And if you don't, there, it's really interesting. Once you become authentic, and you understand truly what authenticity is for you. And your define success, then you can focus Yeah, and it's just like your your passions kind of your because passion to me becomes a little hairy fairy because it's just wonderful, right? It's a really good feeling and emotion. But when your passion transitions to purpose, yeah, with all that big work. Wow, it is it is. You know, when I told me how we want to open this company, I'm going okay, honey, I love you. I'm not going back to corporate all they're the only because they were headhunting me after, you know the resignation happened and, or they retired me and when they sold my division, and you're just like, I'm not going back. I just I can't go back. I've got this really bad gut feeling. He said, I hope you're okay. We're going to be poor for a while. I hope you are. Okay, because I'm the breadwinner. And and he didn't, he said yes. And I understand very supportive, but I don't think he understood against like our show a couple of weeks and show on Netflix, corn and some ice cream. And yeah, yeah, it should be good should be good. After that. It's bottles of wine, it'd be all good. And it was a full year. Like it was a full year of really, and I still and I I have to keep working on myself. If I don't I'm not getting better for anybody else. And, and I'm not living in a month growing, right?

Jamie Stephens: 53:00

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Well, I feel like that is a good place for us to and is there anything else that you want to say before we wrap up? Tell people where we can find you.

Kim Skermer: 53:16

Well, you can definitely I'll let you know where to find me. But there's a really cool saying that I saw. And I think it's really important. So though the one thing that I was reminded to with you is that don't make any snap decisions. If you feel like breaking up, really work on yourself, think it through and take the time. And there's a really neat saying that I saw. And it was like we are all humans, and we're all the same. And the one thing that we all have in common, truly, truly have in common is two numbers. And it was the day we were born. And the day we die. And between those numbers is a dash. And I want you to think about every day how are you going to live your dash. And I thought that was really incredible that that is one of those other kind of quotes and thoughts that really keep me grounded. So I think it's important for all of us to kind of look at if we're stuck in the corporate job that we don't want to be in or we're in business and we're you know failing or not thriving when we should be in really confused and messy. Just you know think about take the moment and find your people but yeah, I thank you so much and I can be found on Instagram. Everything is the approach coaching methods so Instagrams, the approach coaching method, my website is the approach coaching method.ca I'll send you all the pieces that can be in the show notes but I absolutely loved I absolutely love showing sharing my breakup and bunch of other stuff and I have left you with a whole bunch of acronyms. We learned PMS and the degree and

Jamie Stephens: 54:38

FYI, that's fine. I am so gonna use that.

Kim Skermer: 54:44

Yeah, yeah. If someone from my old corporate listens to that going, like a lot of FYI messages.

Jamie Stephens: 54:51

Mine was mine was like, Well, I wasn't responding. It wasn't an FYI. But like, when people would send stupid ass emails I'm just like our playback noted. noted, fine. I'm acknowledging this begrudgingly. But yeah. Oh wait, is it me? Am I the best? Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much cam you

Unknown: 55:19

think